It has only taken 18 years...

Excitement can't even begin to describe what we are feeling! After 18 years--it has finally begun!!!! On Tuesday morning Greg and I took a half day--personal day to be home when the builder came to stake out our new house!  We trudged through the snow--or rather skated across the top of it--in order to work with the builder in choosing the placement and angle of the house. G and I had gone out on Sunday afternoon (and really did trudge through the snow and slush) in that beautiful, freakishly warm, 60 degree weather--to do a preliminary stake out. All that slush froze solid when the temperature plummeted on Monday--creating the skating rink that will soon be our home! I've finally allowed myself to get excited! After staking out the house--I was standing in what will eventually be my kitchen--and can I just say--the view out the kitchen window is AMAZING!!! Beautiful, tranquil farms and fields forever!! I never thought I'd say this--but I am almost looking forward to doing dishes!!!

When we got home from work Wednesday evening--we were greeted by equipment that had been dropped off in the yard--and reality set in!! This is really happening!! When we pulled into the driveway and parked--we just sat in the car for a while and stared at the big blue "spot a pot" or "job johnny" that had been placed in front of our parking space. We were both in disbelief. We were finally going to get our dream house!

Coming home from work on Thursday—was just as exciting-- equipment and piles of dirt!! They had been there that day to clear the icy snow from our property and put in the driveway. It now looks like a real construction site! They are supposed to "brake ground" and dig out the basement on Tuesday--however--the forecast of yet another storm Sunday into Monday will delay that date I'm sure. That's fine--we've waited this long--what's another couple of days!!!

Each day seems to bring us something new—I’m sure anxiety and frustration are lurking around the corner—after all—this is the second house we've had built—so we know the drill—but for now we are going to bask in the joy and excitement of our dream coming true! We are so blessed.

To change the subject--and shift to my recovery and me—I am six and a half weeks post op and I feel incredible! I have been back to work/school for two weeks.  It is just what the doctor ordered! I am so lucky to love my job! That first Monday back I was greeted by so many e-mails and visits from colleagues welcoming me back. I was flower bombed by an unknown assailant (Karen Fedder—you can’t fool me!) However—the best gift was all the students who stopped by to say “Hey”—their way of saying welcome back—it really took me aback. I knew that the students I had in class last semester knew I was gone—but had no idea so many others would notice my absence. 

My progress seems really slow—to me. During the preparation for surgery—those six months of classes and meetings--they constantly stressed how quickly the weight will come off during the first six months—well—it has been two weeks since my follow-up appointment with the surgeon and as of this morning--I have only dropped one 1.2 pounds. Normally I would say—“that’s not bad” but considering the fact that I am only eating 800 calories a day—that seems unbelievable! I have increased my activity and have been walking in school after hours—I’m up to 2 miles. I can’t say that this is a set bak--or has me discouraged—I am just really surprised! I know that this is a journey—one that is going to take a long time and I am in it for the long haul!!

I am pleased to report that this whole process has not been as hard as I thought it would be—Most days are just down right easy—although my days are now consumed with planning what to eat, prepping my miniature meals, keeping track of what I’m eating in My Fitness Pal, and finally--when to eat and when to drink or not drink. Don’t get me wrong—there are times that I feel plain sad--not depressed—just sad.  When those rare occasions surface—they obviously revolve around food--foods that I can’t eat yet (or may not be able to eat again)—or situations involving food.  It’s unfortunate that as a society—so much of our socialization with friends and loved ones revolves around food. When those moments of sadness surface—they don’t last long—as all I need to do is look at the big picture and I snap right out of it. I know that in time—my life will get back to normal as far as food goes—or should I say “will get back to my new normal as far as food goes.” 

I continue to be so thankful for all of your support and love—it has made this journey so much easier and enjoyable—to know that I am not traveling it alone!

Until next time…
Peace

                                                         

Post-op Appointment...a Big Success

I am SO excited!!! I had my post-op appointment on Friday February 14th--four weeks after my operation--. It was originally scheduled for Thursday the 13th but was rescheduled to Friday--due to the snowstorm. After waiting an hour (obviously, I was not the only one that they rescheduled) I was called back to the examining room--My incisions (five of them) were checked--important questions were asked and answered--and a trip to the scale was in order! So--drum roll please--after four weeks--I have dropped 30 pounds. I am down 48 pounds since July when I officially started this journey. I must say--I am pleasantly surprised with the success I am having! It has not been easy--but it is getting easier every day. I know the rapid weight loss will slow in a couple of months--and that is fine. I am in this for the long haul and however long it takes--I am willing to be patient. I am just looking forward to the day I can say "I am really healthy.

I was cleared to go back to work tomorrow--Monday. I think I was more excited about that--than the weight loss!! Although I must admit-- I'm a bit apprehensive. I missed the last week of our first semester--but was at least able to say goodbye to those students and explain what was going on. We are just about three weeks into our second semester--and my substitute has had my kids for the entire time. Jumping back in at this point is going to be a challenge--not only for me--but for my students. I've only had one of the kids on my class lists before--so it's going to be quite an adjustment for my classes as I run a pretty tight ship--to say the least! Getting back to a schedule is what I look forward to most! I will be the first the admit--I do not do well with unstructured time--especially if I have an excuse (like pain) to waste it!

Once again--I want to thank everyone for their support. I am sure this would be a very difficult journey to take on my own. The strength I have garnered from each of you--has given me the courage to see this through. Your words of encouragement, cards, letters, e-mails, texts, visits, gifts, flowers etc. are just what I needed--especially during those times that I have questioned my decision and felt discouraged and lonely. I can say without a doubt--I have the best family, circle of friends and colleagues--anyone could ask for!!

****OH YEAH--HOUSE NEWS****We finally have some good news to report--we found out last week that we were put on the builders schedule. We have been told that we will break ground on February 25th!! I am finally getting so excited!! This 17 year dream is finally coming true!

Greg--my wonderful husband--who is a cabinetmaker by trade--is designing and building my cabinets. Every time he shows me a sketch--or asks me questions--it becomes a little more real and I get a little more excited!! All I can say is--I am going to have a kick a$$ kitchen! Oh yea!

 Of course--I am prepared to have February 25 come and go with no movement on our project--thanks to Mother Nature!! However--we do see the end in sight--which makes any postponements tolerable!

Well, I have to go get ready for school tomorrow :-) So until next time...

I'm Still Alive and on the Mend!

My intention when I started this blog--was to do one entry per week--unless something really news worthy had occurred. I didn't want to bore those who were reading it. Well, I'm a slacker!! (No surprise there!!) As the weeks have rolled by--I've just felt that there hasn't been anything very newsworthy happening. I'm healing! I'm also going stir crazy and I want to go back to work! I miss having a regular schedule--I miss my job--I miss my co-workers and most of all--I miss my kids! I am so fortunate to love what I do and to work with such amazing friends, colleagues and students.

I need to take a moment and thank everyone. The outpouring of support that I have received--has rendered me speechless--prayers, phone calls, cards, letters, e-mails, texts, private messages on facebook, comments on my blog, gifts, FLOWERS (oh the flowers--so beautiful)--all of them have aided in my recovery and made a rather painful unpleasant time--so much more bearable! I owe a speedy recovery--to all of you. Thank you for all of it--I'm amazed at the love that has been showered upon me. I am so blessed. Words just can't begin to express how thankful I am for my incredible family, and the wonderful friends and supporters I've been fortunate enough to be surrounded by--My love and appreciation go out to all of you!

My life these past few weeks has been focused so much on food--funny when you think about it---it consumes just about every waking moment--but I can't eat more than 1/4 c. at a meal. It has been quite the learning curve--figuring out what works for me and falls within the limits that have been put upon me with this surgery. I am still eating 800 calories a day and have to get 75+ grams of protein each day. My food is still pureed or "soft" and has to be chewed a million times (a least that what it seems like) 
before it is swallowed. I can't drink with my meals and have to stop consuming liquids 20-30 minutes prior to eating. I can't drink anything for at least an hour after finishing a meal. The reason for limiting liquid before and after is simple--If I drink--it fills my stomach and there won't be room for the small amount of food I need to eat. I am dying for the day I can eat a salad--I think that's still a few months away. I never thought I would crave lettuce, spinach, tomato, cucumber, arugala etc. I miss vegetables. I look forward to the day I can eat more--so that I can fit in protein AND veggies at my meals--I have eaten so few vegetables since surgery--I think it is what I miss the most! By the end of the first year--I should be able to eat 1 cup to 1 1/4 cups of food at each meal. The liquid thing will continue forever--it is taking some getting used to--I have always had water with my meals.

Anyway, on February 1st--I decided that I was going to start walking regularly. That first day--I walked a mile--it wore me out!! I was outside walking on our crazy country roads--in the cold--and just felt like I couldn't get anywhere--it took me almost 25 minutes to walk that mile. On February 2, I decided to go over to school and walk in the building--for those of you who have never seen or been into the high school in which I work--it is sprawling--lots of hallways and lots of steps covering lots of ground! Well, what a difference a controlled environment makes!! I did two miles in 30 minutes (I know--a fifteen minute mile is nothing to brag about--but that's really good for me--considering when I was at my most fit--two years ago--I was struggling to do a twelve minute mile--and I couldn't do two miles back to back at 12 minutes!!) Well to date--that was the extent of my regular walking. We had a major snow that made the roads un-passable and kept me home--and then I had a bit of a set back last week. While I was sleeping on Tuesday night-- the 4th--I rolled over and felt an excruciating pain in my left side. That was the end of my regular walking for a bit. Walking any distance has become extremely painful for me (as has sitting upright in a straight backed chair). I met with my primary care physician and she thinks I probably tore some scare tissue internally. Fingers crossed--I think the pain is starting to lessen and hopefully will be able to head back over to school evenings this week and start again. I am determined to get back into this. One thing I learned through my years involved with Anne Hess--my trainer and the biggest loser/b-fit programs is that diet and exercise work hand and hand for permanent weight loss. I made the decision to have this surgery to get healthy. Without exercise--I will never get to--and maintain the optimum health I am working toward. It is a goal I WILL meet! I am not going to go through all of this--and not reach my goal!!

I truly feel that I have been given a second chance at life with this surgery--I aim to take every advantage of it. I have spent the majority of my life as an observer. Someone on the outside looking in at everyone doing all these great things. Not that I haven't done some great things of my own--I have! However,  now is my chance--at 53--to add to my list of great things! To once again--be a participant. One of the high points of my adult life was completing the Philly Woman's Tri in 2010--the year I turned 50. I came in 665 out of 676. (Which for me was like taking first place or winning the lottery!!) I had two goals--to finish and to not come in last! Well I did it--and I want to do it again. It was such an awesome feeling just completing in that race. I have never been an athlete or competed in anything--at 50 years old--that was a first. Although I wasn't really competing against anyone except myself--the feeling of finishing that race is something I will never forget--having my friends and b-fit family join me just before the finish and run with me to the finish line in support--reduced me to tears.  I had so many people rooting for me and just like with this surgery--encouraging me to continue on--I look forward to doing another triathlon with my tri-buddies and training partners--Lynn Keene and Jen Kieffer.

In support of the changes I will be experiencing this year--my girlfriend Lynn (on the left in the top picture) got me the most thoughtful christmas gift--it is chicken wire with a frame around it and has clothes pins attached to the wire. It has a hook at the bottom and attached to the hook is a little bucket--on the top of the frame in bold letters is written "Bucket List". When she gave it to me she said "I thought you could put down all the things you want to do or all the goals you have set for yourself--and as you complete them--you can take them off and put them in the bucket! Well I started the list and it continues to grow! Next posting I will add a picture of it and post my list!

I meet with my surgeon for my post op appointment on Thursday, Feb. 13. (Keep your fingers crossed that the weather doesn't prevent that!!) I have to have my surgeon's "go ahead" in order to return to work on Monday the 17th. I can't stand the though of staying home any longer! After my appointment on Thursday--I will post how much weight I have lost since my surgery and since I started this journey back in June. I have been staying away from the scale--because my home scale differs from the scale I've been weighed on since the beginning. I am excited to find out the exact numbers. Although I decided before my surgery--I am not going to base my success on the scale. Some one asked me before I had surgery--"How much weight do you plan on losing?" My response was--"I don't know--however much weight I can lose." That was probably not the best answer--as it made me sound as if I hadn't thought about it and had no goal--which was not the case. However--after the question was asked--I thought long and hard about how much I want to lose--I decided I really don't care! I want to have a healthy BMI. A normal weight BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9. Right now--my BMI is embarrassingly high at 50.8--but it will (or has started) heading down in the right direction which is what counts! I don't care how long it takes--I just want it to be in the healthy range. 

Until next time--Peace, Love and Thanks to Everyone! XOXO

Was It REALLY Ten Days Ago?!?!?

WOW, a week ago last Tuesday I was undergoing my sleeve gastrectomy.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleeve_gastrectomy I can't believe it has been over a week! The past ten days have sure been a wild ride. My time in the hospital is all kind of fuzzy. I had a morphine pump for 24 hours--which I really didn't want to use--but DID! I remember not eating much--the choices of food on my tray were less than appetizing--broth (which tasted like warm water), protein enriched jello (think of jello--that is completely opaque--yuk) and a luke warm protein shake--all of which were disgusting! Three to four times a day either Greg or the nursing staff got me up to walk--thinking back--I don't remember too many of those walks--that may have been a little dangerous--although--either Greg or a nurse was always with me--to catch me if I decided to do a face plant!! When they finally took me off the morphine pump--they tried to give me a liquid pain killer which made me sick--this in turn caused me to have to stay in the hospital an extra day. During my entire stay--my wonderful husband was right there beside me--encouraging me, scolding me and making sure I was doing what I was supposed to do. He has been a WONDERFUL nurse! I have to say--from the surgical team--headed by Anne Rogers M.D.
http://www.pennstatehershey.org/findaprovider/provider/1454http://www.pennstatehershey.org/findaprovider/provider/1454 --to the nursing staff--right down to the people emptying the trash in my room--EVERYONE at Hershey Medical Center was amazing! I appreciate the great care I was given during my stay!

Since I have been home--progress has been slow. I'm not sure what I was thinking prior to surgery--but I didn't really consider the pain--and all I can say is--IT HURTS!!!! At first--it hurt all the time--when I moved--when I swallowed anything--when I coughed--every time I took a breath. I mean--ALL THE TIME! Each day, things have gotten a bit better. It still hurts a lot on my left side--which is where they removed my stomach. However, I can now drink most liquids without too much pain. Eating the pureed food that I've been able to eat since Tuesday--still causes me a lot of pain. It feels like someone is taking a knife and sticking it under my ribcage and wiggling it around! The pain takes my breath away and literally causes me to cry out in pain. (I feel like such a winer!!) Anyway, I called the team at Hershey to ask about the pain and was told that "yes--it can be a side effect of the surgery." Those of us who are "lucky enough" to experience this type of pain--can "enjoy it" for up to four weeks!! Oh yes--just what I wanted to hear!!

My eating has been quite the experience the past 10 days. I feel like I am eating/drinking not stop each day. I can only eat small amounts--1/4 cup total at each meal. Between meals I have to have a high protein shake. I am only consuming 800 calories a day. In order to not become deficient in my vitamins and the protein I need--I have to have take multi-vitamins, calcium, and B-12 each day--and must consume a minimum of 75 grams of protein a day for the first six months. For eating so little--my life is now consumed with thinking about food. The nice thing is--I really don't feel like eating--which can be good and bad. It certainly is a change--having to force myself to eat!! :o)

The care I have received since I have been home has certainly rallied that of the crew from Hershey. My husband Greg--is an extraordinary human being. I cannot thank him enough for the incredible support, love, constant care and pampering he gives me each day! Thank You Greg--I LOVE YOU! I also need to give a shout out and a HUGE thank you to his parents--my in-laws--Paul and Peggy Buck. What an incredible job they did in raising their son!!

We have news on the new house--FINALLY!!!! We had closing on our loan last night. Things couldn't have gone more smoothly--we had closing right in our living room--talk about customer service! This means that we can break ground at anytime!! (Of course that's if the weather cooperates!) It's been a long time--but I finally feel like I can let myself get excited! By July--we should be all moved in!!

I do believe the next six months are going to fly by--I don't want to wish any of my life away--but I am so excited to see what these next six months hold! Whatever it is--Greg and I will certainly face it together--supporting each other through all the ups and downs (and I know there will be lots of those!) because that's just what we do!!

In closing--I just want to thank everyone for all the flowers, cards, e-mails, letters--I'm overwhelmed by your encouragement, concern and support. Thank You!

It's Finally Here!

Tomorrow morning at 9:15 I will entering Hershey Medical Center to have my "sleeve gastrectomy" done by Doctor Anne Rogers. By dinnertime tomorrow night--the next phase of my journey will have begun.  As I sit and write this I can't even begin to tell you what I'm feeling. Maybe that's because I'm not sure. I keep asking myself am I nervous? Yes! Am I excited? Yes! Am I scared? Heck yeah! However, I guess more than anything I'm ready--I just want it to be over. I'm not looking forward to the pain after surgery--or another week of a liquid diet--or three weeks of pureed foods (ugh) --but I am looking forward getting started on "the new me!" This is truly a new beginning and I am so excited about that!

As I get ready to go to bed tonight--I am so humbled by all the well wishes, kind notes, e-mails and texts from everyone. I am truly blessed with the greatest friends, family and colleagues. Thank you all for the love, encouragement and constant support. You all mean the world to me. Hugs XO

This Ain't No Picnic!!

Well day six of my liquid diet is coming to a close. I must say this is just about the hardest thing I have ever done. I have questioned my decision to do this surgery more than once! Not because I don't want it--but right now my stomach is the size that I am accustom to--but what I am putting into it is not! I have a constant headache, uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and have been zapped of all energy. It has not been fun! I am trying to keep a positive outlook on the entire thing and most days I feel like the little engine that could. I can't tell you how many times this week I have had to say to myself: "I think I can...I think I can...I think I can!!!" I have two day left and know that with the help of my wonderful husband (who is an AMAZING partner) I will be able to complete this portion of my journey!

The next concern lurking in the wings is not so much the surgery on Tuesday--but the fact that from midnight the night before--until the day after my surgery--I cannot have anything to drink--not even a sip of water! I am however aloud to swab my mouth--what the heck does that mean?!?! I am just looking forward to getting this whole thing over with and begin the healing process. As I sit here--my stomach seems to be talking to me--an activity I have gotten used to this week! Most of the time it seems to be screaming "FEED ME"!! I just scream back "SHUT UP!!!"

I'll close this entry with a quote that my girlfriend Beth sent me--in a note of encouragement that I got the other day. “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.” She then asked me if I was dancing--I texted her and said "I'm trying to dance--but it will be so much easier when I'm 100 pounds lighter!" When I finally reach that goal--I will definitely dance in the rain and everyplace else--in celebration of the new life I will have worked so hard to have!!

Day one of this journey...

Today was the first day of my eight day liquid diet. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be--of course the day is not over--and it is only the first day! :-) One week from tomorrow--I will have my surgery. I have been going through the planning and prep for this surgery since May. That first informational meeting seems so long ago in one way--and like yesterday in another. I never thought that the day would get here--and yet--it has.

 I have had a few "rocky" days this past week--questioning my decision. (A meltdown or two!!) I guess when it comes down to it--it is a sense of fear that is causing me to question. Not so much a fear of the surgery, but a fear of change. Those people who know me--know that I don't like change. I am expecting huge changes in my life and I don't know if I'm fully prepared to deal with those changes. You see, I like who I am and have always been comfortable with the person I see in the mirror. However, I also like life--and I know that I am shortening mine--without losing weight and keeping it off! For years--I wouldn't even consider having this surgery because I thought it was "the easy way" out. Oh how wrong I was!! This has been the hardest thing I have ever done--and the hardest part is yet to come (I think).

The only reason I know I can do this is because I am truly blessed with a wonderful support system--a great family, wonderful friends and some incredible former students that I love like they were my own! With everyone's support and encouragement--I can't help but succeed in accomplishing this goal!

I'm going to close this entry with a quote that was on the front of a card that my college roommate and best friend sent me today (in support of me and my journey.) The cover said: "He who dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose." The inside read: "I'm so proud of you for being brave enough to try." Until I got that card--I never really thought of myself as brave--but I guess I am. Funny how friends instinctively know just when you need an encouraging word! I guess I'm strong enough to do this another day!!

Some news on the house front...We are scheduled for settlement on our loan for the house on January 22, 2014--I guess this is finally going to happen!!!

And so it begins...

2014 is going to be a year of big changes for the Buck's. Seventeen years ago, we sold our house in Ephrata and bought my childhood home from my parents. We had a goal of building a new house on the property and tearing down the old house. That was our five year plan. Well, seventeen years later, (yes, we had a few setbacks), that dream will finally come to fruition. The third week of January, 2014, we will finally have closing on the mortgage for our new home which is set to begin construction early in the year. We finally see a light at the end of the tunnel...and we are pretty sure it is not the train!!

Another big change is right around the corner for me, Jen. On January 14, 2014 I will be checking in to Hershey Medical Center to undergo weight loss surgery. This has been a huge decision for me (and for Greg). It will be a complete lifestyle change for both of us. This is not something that I have decided to jump into with out much consideration and education. I have been meeting with doctors, psychiatrists, nutritionists, dietitians, nurses and support groups for the past 6 months. I am so excited and yes, apprehensive, to see what the next six months hold. I will lose a tremendous amount of weight in the first six months before it slows down to a normal pace. My hope is--that in 18 months I will be to my goal weight and in turn--be healthier than I have been in a very long time!

So, the purpose of this blog, "(Re)-constructing Brick by Brick and Bite by Bite" is to keep our family and friends abreast of all the changes in our lives this year both with building our new house and my weigh loss journey. We will be posting pictures (the good, the bad and the ugly!!), writing updates, sharing our excitement and our frustration. We invite you to join us in this crazy adventure that will be known as 2014!